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I was not prepared to seek God. After all, I did not have contact with him at long tome. That is why I was completely surprised by the proposal to start searching God at home among the pots and the pans. However, I agreed.

It was a weekend with meditation and contemplation in the silence at home. The meeting was organized by Eileen and Kathleen from Contemplative Outreach Ireland, and started on Friday evening and connected 98 people together at the Zoom, mainly from Ireland, but also from other countries. Although it was not required, I chose to keep silent for two days, as we did last March, just before the pandemic. You can read about it here.

We have only two rooms in our apartment, so I had to arrange with my husband space and times I will meditate in the kitchen. To my surprise, everything turned out naturally, and my husband was also pleased with it because he willingly used this time to be with himself as well.

During the meditation also my cat was called by the sound of the gong, and he uses to lay down on my knee. The meetings in silence at the Zoom were held three times a day. But we could choose the session. I wanted to participate in all of them. The prayers sited twenty minutess long and were back-to-back with three minutes braek to stretch legs. One session was even three times for twenty minutes long. I could see diverse people on the screen who meditate in various spaces of their houses, but the prayer of silence brought us closer.

Listening to yourself

When I kept noiseless all day, I noticed that I was focusing more on my daily activities. I have finely chopped the vegetables for a salad, although I usually make them coarsely. It came out completely natural I did not plan to chopped the vegetables more precisely. We ate dinner with my husband in silence, and it was cheerful peace, we both felt good about it.

In those two days I felt nice warm inside me, maybe it was love? The acceptance filled me up. And I wanted to share it outside. God was also keeps silent, but I did not need any proof of his existence. I discovered that in silence I give myself the chance to hear myself, appreciate what I really feel, and let it change, flow naturally with life, and be different than I think.

Sometimes I like to hear the cool lectures, interviews, lessons, but I would like much more to allow myself to hear own heart. Psychologists say that we really know what is good for us, but we do not always hear ourselves. I am not sure if I am myself all the time. I still try to really be in what is around me. Not in my conception which I want to force, but in this what lives brings to me. I am being with sounds of cars outside the window, the scream of a seagull flys over my street, with my hands on the purring back of a cat, and natural wrinkles on my existance. Because the silent it is not lack of sounds, but is is possibility to listen something inside you, and around you.

My heart is my whole being. It is the secret room where I am truly myself. Where my life story unfolds. Outside of my heart I am lost and there in its silent depths I can see the face of God, whom I seek.

St. Augustine