This post is also available in: polski (Polish)
I have a lot of fears. Some of them are justified, others are completely irrational. My mind promotes all of them. Although spring stretches out its hands to me through the open window, a wall grows in my head.
On the walk with fears
I noticed when I look anexiety in the eye, and I try to find out where it comes from, I can feel how it affects my body and well-being. Then I have the strength to overcome it. Each time I dsicover that a walk with fear always benefits me. Because when I take a risc I can experience wonderful moments in reality, here and now.
This is a story with my skateboard. I had not ridden it in over a month because I was afraid to meet the other skateboarders who regularly exercise at the university campus. I was ashamed to show off with my beautiful turquoise board, I am a woman in my 40s. This cenception was completely irrational, if only because I did not necessarily have to skateboard in front of others. I could find my own space and choose a different time. Well, fear made me scared to leave the house at all, and so on and so on.
Once, Agnieszka and my husband brought me a help. We were planning a walk with Agnieszka through the university park, and she texted me that I should bring my skateboard. The same day my husband Maciek announced that I have to take the skateboard with me, no excuses. Although my thoughts screamed inside me that I would be uncomfortable walking, because I did not know how to ride on all surfaces yet. Contrary to those projections, I decided to go out with my skateboard. And as soon as I stood on it, I saw the ginger horizon.
So, when I felt skateboard under my feet, I naturally chosse keep going with this passion. Running and ghymnastic seemed obvious to me, but I thought why not exercice on the skateboard instead of it. If I want to master a smooth ride as soon as possible. So, the skateboarding became as a contemplation for me.
I start again
The March sun rises earlier. I wake up at down I can observe the view brightening (also in my head). Each day I start again, I meditate, eat porridge, and go out with my skateboard. I found a large and smooth surface on the campus. Now I can direct the skateboard where I want, not where it turns itself. Also I am a little bit faster. I push off with my left leg and my right leg is on the board which means in the skateboarding – I am Goofy Stance. I feel very comfortable on the deck.
It is very early morning, nobody around, only seagull screems from the sky, and some doggie on the grass. The next step for me will be to learn to use all kinds of paths around the university, not only the very smooth ones. I also discivered acclivity in the front of engineering building. So, I go quickly on which and can practice braking. This very little hill is really exciting for me. My morning training takes from 45 minutes to 1 hour. On my skateboard apper more and more scratches, but I am happy because it means that I use it.
Of course, the fear is still with me, it does not go away, but I feel calmer. Anexiety it is a natural feeling. But we are so afraid sometimes and project our fears and expectations to the reality. Later we are surprised that life does not cooperate with us. But if we belive what the fears promote we limit ourselves and crushed our dreams, sometimes. We have the influence to take a risk. The experienced traveler afraid of traveling, too.